“"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has to gone through to achieve that beauty.”
The whole new quarantine experience has opened our hearts more than we even realize it for ourselves. The time spent taking shelter at home hit the reset button for all of us to think things through on what truly matters most. It teaches us that, change, even if it takes time and can be a little difficult in the beginning, will bring more meaning to our lives. Despite the uncertainties and challenges posed by this pandemic disease worldwide lies plenty of things to be grateful for. The chance of being around the people we love, safe and healthy at home and the chance to embrace the simple joys of being a mom. Or for some, it could be any role that has been taken for granted intentional or unintentional because of the complicated lives we manage outdoors. The way we are cocooned teaches us the value of patience, adaptation, growth and faith in the Almighty. Finding hope every waking moment as we slowly shed of the old patterns that we deem unnecessary, in order to discover the new.
I have always been amazed about butterflies. I am reminded of it’s beautiful paradox. We delight on its beauty in the garden yet we rarely think about the painful process it has to go through as a caterpillar. It is all about the unfolding process of that awkward stage we have no control of yet you can’t just rip away nor cut short the time before it emerges out of the light and finally achieve its beauty.
We have been together since 2002
LIFE STAGES
There are many moments in our lives when, like butterflies, we morph into a graceful creature finally able to spread its beautiful wings. We let go of our past that weighs us down and see what the world has in store for us. I see butterflies that have broken loose into the sunshine as childhood dreams within our grasp.
It is when you finally meet the person you have been praying for a long time and dream of sharing life together.
And even with the countless squabbles and childish bickering, you have no idea if it will ever last, the day finally came when he popped the magical question on his knees with that sparkly little thing around your finger, picked just the right time to do it when you are totally off guard.
Awaiting for the big day can be exciting and exhausting altogether gathering what needs to be done when pressure is on. This is the scrapbook I have worked on as a teen finally coming to life and I want to capture just how I have always envisioned them to be. The pastels and the petals must all work together for the perfect moment I have been waiting for, I have been praying for. But they say no amount of preparation will ever set you to what will come about.
Nothing compares to that moment you take a deep breathe before you are about to walk down the aisle. You never know what lies ahead but you take that leap of faith anyway as you drown all your fears away listening to the song that resonates the greatest love story of your life holding on to the promise of forever.
Every moment is a fresh start. It is a brand new life you share with your better half together in a sacred place you call home. The hope of growing your own family then makes me always want drop on my knees and thank the Lord for just about everything. What have I done to deserve all these blessings? The excitement of putting things together, appointing furniture in their right place so on and so forth make it seem life is unfolding one at a time.
Just when I thought life is best, I woke up one day learning that I am blessed with a life growing inside me. Tears came running down my cheeks the very first time I saw the ultrasound. It’s unbelievable. Such a great blessing.
I vividly remember the first time I held him in my arms. Those gentle little hands and feet that cling on helplessly to me just suddenly burst emotions so strong. Something I have never felt before that is nothing else in this world. It is giving love a whole different level of meaning. And then I know now what they all meant by mother’s love and sacrifice. Because all I know at that moment is, there is nothing I can not do for my child. Motherhood also means for every joy comes with twinning fears. How am I going to protect my child from this world? Am I ready? Many occurring thoughts went flowing over my mind but I know I must calm down and savor the twinkle of new beginnings. We are now a family.
DARK TIMES
While we are blessed with wonderful moments to live by, life stages to cherish on so dear in our hearts. There are times when we think we are trapped in a dark hole, clueless if we will ever see the light of day. Mine is just as clear as the ones that pleases me. I once attended a leadership seminar where they asked us to write about your lives starting from the very time you can remember up until the present. I thought it would be difficult to recall since some are already forgotten past. But as I write them page after page, it is surprising to realize that some stages I thought was already buried purposely at very the back of my mind still unearthed raw emotions as if it was only yesterday. Before I knew it, my paper was already drenched in tears. Made me laugh and cry and the rollercoaster of emotions. I realized I have only swept the dust under the rug and turned my back on my personal issues when I should be dealing with it face front. Why not, right? It is through releasing all these out in the air that we can finally let go our inner dragons.
I remember the time when I struggle to find a job in my fresh years and thought, will I every find one? A good one I hope. Am I good enough? And this question keeps on haunting me for each and every failure. By the time I was already getting my breaks, it was announced so suddenly that the company I worked hard for had to shrink and unfortunately I lost the job that I love. And just so many more sob stories and soured relationships that shaken me along the way. I never gave up and all these only drove me to strive harder in life. Every time I feel the clouds all over me, I give myself enough time to dwell on the drama. I knew I had to get back on my feet right away. That too shall pass, one good friend of mine would always say. Much as a drama queen I would love to be, really there is no room for drama when you have to figure out where to get money to pay the bills. Gladly, I have an emotional support system to hold onto when life gets rough and tough. This fuels me to be strong and grateful in spite of my life all in shades of gray. The kind of people who helped another in the time of need is one I call angel without wings. I am so proud to say many of them are still close to me up until now. Never lose hope even when its hopeless. Master what God has given you and search fully for your purpose that will bring meaning to your life. You will never know when you are almost there so don’t stop trying.
Photo by: Toto Villaruel
Take every experience a chance for us to renew our lives. After all, there is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly. We may not look back fondly to our caterpillar self as we fly off spinning a cocoon yet it was a stage in our lives that hold the greatest importance. Somehow these series of events as we trace back connecting the dots are partly orchestrated to shape us to be the kind of person we are meant to be. Adversity is necessary to build character in people and shows us how empowering change can be. Sometimes a “breaking down” must occur in order for us to be stronger and wiser.
NEW FOUND PASSION
Every ending is just a new beginning. Just this year I resigned from my job in the corporate world and opened up my online business to be able to work from home while I have the time needed to take care of my family especially my pre-schoolers who are the ultimate reason for doing so. After much discerning lead me this way. This is something I have done for the first time and it is really coming out of my comfort zone, spinning off my way out of the cocoon. In times of doubt, I am always comforted with the fact that I did this to focus on essential matters.
When I opened my web venture many have reached out to support and say the nicest things affirming me that I am heading the right direction. You just know when it feels right. When you are certain you are not stepping on anybody’s shoes on a broad day light and good vibes are just hanging around the corner. One close friend said “Nagsusulat ka pala. Okay ah” (I am surprised that you write well. Nice.). Something to that effect and I laughed. It’s no surprise since I get teased a lot by friends for being “malabo”(vague) They say I talk lengthily, I myself get confused of what I am actually aiming at. Oh well it is hard to express all the thoughts clearly when they pop out all at the same time. Imagine a busy computer with many tabs open together and in the middle of multi-tasking you find your screen hanging “loading” or “not responding” in a point of rush. It is really driving me crazy. No wonder they get surprised with my new found passion in writing and telling stories. So writing my thoughts is my way of self-therapy. I give myself enough time to think and breathe to put all my random, varied ideas together. So anyway, I said to my friend “When it comes to your life story there is no better writer than yourself.” This is my life we are talking about and no one can articulate it better than me.
It’s only now that I am beginning to write again and it feels great. Somehow I have unlocked another one of the things I love doing that would complete my ikigai. Butterflies inspire me so much, I am ready to endure the much needed cocoon season to prepare me to what lies ahead.
Starting a clean slate in the new chapter of your life is a magical beginning. So I encourage all Maria’s out there to start writing your story. You may keep them, read them in your time and space. Or you may share them with me so other Marias can be inspired by your story. Perhaps you and I may have experienced the same. Different story but similar in some ways. We all go through ups and downs. I believe it is best to go through them with the strong support system who uplift you, nurture you and remind you just how amazing you are. Share your God-given gift, and embrace your greatness.
This text has been updated
